My next home.

I think it is time to truly be honest with my readers about something that has been on my mind for a little over 2 years now.

*DRUM ROLL*

I would like to leave New Jersey. For quite some time I have been trying to convince myself to leave a place I once called home, to build a new home. The reason why I say that Jersey City is a place I once called home is because Jersey City is not the same anymore. My reasons.

1. Jersey City is too damn expensive to live in just by yourself. Most can and kudos to them, but sadly that is not the case for me.

2. Jersey City has done a complete change. Thanks, gentrification! (🖕🏾 – if you cannot see this emoji, it is a middle finger.) When I was younger Jersey City was full of stores and places for families to spend time together. Now, it is filled with bars,  restaurants, and complex apartments. 

3. This is the reason that made me decide to say peace to my hometown which is no longer having my mom here with me. I thought to myself, “what is the point of calling Jersey City home anymore without her?”

My mom had a dream to eventually leave Jersey City but she kept having setbacks. She used to say, “I’ll leave once you girls are little older.” or “I’ll leave when Valencia graduates high school.”

When I brought the idea to move to Georgia and then got my mom tickets to go to Georgia to see for herself how beautiful it was over there, I finally heard her say, “Okay, we can move.” In fact, as her oldest daughter and to make my mom more secure about her decision, I told her that I’ll go and establish a life out there for us all first. Similarly, just like my mother, I too deep down had a fear to leave. My mom’s fear was change, my fear is failing. But I still wanted to leave.
After my mother’s death sometime in June, I received a call from a university in Georgia about a job I applied for. Mind you, I applied for this job waaaayyyy back so I had completely forgotten about that specific position until that call. As a result, the thought of moving started to arise again. However, I began to receive signs after the second interview that maybe Georgia was not exactly for me. I didn’t feel the thrill that I thought I would get. Usually, when I want to do or go for something in life, it has to give me chills and excitement even when I am nervous and all, in reality, Georgia wasn’t doing that for me.

Now, what unexpectedly gave me chills was Florida. I haven’t been in Florida since I was maybe 17 years old. So when I returned I was like (meh) I am just here just because. Until my cousin showed me around and I started to feel a peace of mind. Something that I was searching for after all my tragedies had happened right in Florida. My cousin jokingly said to me “you should move here.” I said, “Ha, yeah, right.” However, by the next day, my mind was like “what if I DID move over here?!”

To make this long story short ever since I returned back from Florida to New Jersey, my thought and mind changed again. I want to leave New Jersey again, I just did not know when until now. With that being said, I am going to take a big chance, put my big girl pants and move sooner than later. 

As of March 2018, I will be relocating to a place I will be calling my new home. This is something I owe to myself, to my sisters and nephew, and to my mother. I am beyond nervous, anxious, and I have been fighting with myself with my self-doubt, stress, and trying to stay positive. Nonetheless, I want to take the chance, I want to have this experience, I want something different. So cheers to this new journey!

The secret is out!

Continue reading “My next home.”

The A word.

Restless at night

Sleepless morning 

Days of suffocation 

Nights of agitation

How will I ever get out of this situation?

Peace of mind is what I long for

But how can I retrieve it, if I am afraid to see what is on the other side of the door?

Shortness of breath, random panic attacks

When in the world did I get into this mess?

I once was a free spirit soul 

                                                 until life showed me it was my turn to experience its own cruelty

And then I became cold 

                                   to then abused

                                                           to then confused

                                                              to then

worthless  

                                                                to then lost 

But despite it all,

What I keep deep inside of me is one thing….

Hope!

Reach Higher Michelle Obama GIF by Obama - Find & Share on GIPHY

Continue reading “The A word.”

Give Yourself Some Credit, Des.

Last Tuesday I went to see my doctor. I have been avoiding my doctor since October because I have been slacking on my health grind. But I thought I was good until mid-December when I started to feel numbness in my left arm and fingers, and I noticed my damn stomach that was going flat was starting to poke again. I started to worry and thought to myself “I’m 27-years-old, this is the age my mother’s health started to go downhill. You cannot let that be your same path!”

I broke down at my doctor’s office because there has just been a lot going on with me b but of course I am here to talk about my health and this is what I told her: 

Officially when I moved out on my own, that was the first time I started to step foot into the gym FAITHFULLY, however my diet remained the same so the results were little. It was then in the summer of 2016 when I came back from my vacation “looking like I ate someone’s mother” I said to myself, “Okay Destiny, you need to get your shit together, you want to lose weight you know what to do. CUT THE SHIT!” 

That was also the summer I lost my youngest uncle to a blood clot. That nightmare was definitely a wake-up call for me. He was young, too young to lose his life, and I did not want to be next. I remembered all the tips and advice he gave me during our phone calls and started to put them into action. I changed both my fitness workouts and eating habits. It was going well, UNTIL March 2017, when *well you all know what happened to me.* I lost all motivation, all hope and gave up completely. “I’ll be fat forever!” I thought I was comfortable settling with that mindset but deep down I wasn’t because losing my mom was the BIGGEST WAKE-UP CALL IN MY LIFE! Life is short and your health is extremely important.

So, once again summer 2017, I started to grind again! Before I used to think I needed a workout buddy to push myself to get serious, but in all reality all I needed was for myself. I began to workout alone. Since it was nice out, I began working on my runs at night. My night runs were actually my stress reliever to help me go to sleep at night, since I was having such hard time sleeping. I was so focused on doing my run to sleep that I did not realize I was transforming slowly but surely before my eyes. And it all just started with doing one mile runs to then two miles in the entire Lincoln Park. I was extremely proud of myself, but I knew I had a long way to go. 

Then of course, September hit. I let life, excuse, and laziness take over again. All my hard work slowly started to fade until now. I caught myself one day looking myself in the mirror. “Fuck that!” I said.  I was on the road to progression in the summer, and I WILL CONTINUE TO BE ON THAT ROAD NOW! No excuses!!!!

The fact that I saw my results before motivated me even more to get back on track and this time stay on it. my reason is not because I want to look skinny and have a fat ass but because my life depends on it. My family health is serious, majority of everyone is sick or suffering because of their health. It is life or early death. But not I. I want to be different, and I do not want to rely on surgery to get me to my end results. (No offense to anyone who had to or decided to take that route). Nonetheless, I love working out when I convince myself to cut the excuses. 

 

This is the bravest thing I am about to do by showing my readers my before and after picture from February 2017 to September 2017. [I have many pictures in between showing the timeline of my transformation but I want to show when I actually started to take my health seriously and before I ended when I allowed life to take over my laziness again.] 

But stay tune to the newly pictures, because I am back!!! 

 I may have my fall offs here and there but I am not going to give up entirely. My life is changing right before my eyes. Although, I paused on the grind, I do not look like how I did on the picture on the left, that’s for sure! 

Most things in my life I am uncertain about and patiently waiting to see when it will start up, but with my health, I am certain about and know when it will start which is NOW! T

his is my public promise to myself and anyone else who is dealing with the same situation. You are not alone, and WE GOT THIS! 

 

 

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