I think it is time to truly be honest with my readers about something that has been on my mind for a little over 2 years now.
I would like to leave New Jersey. For quite some time I have been trying to convince myself to leave a place I once called home, to build a new home. The reason why I say that Jersey City is a place I once called home is because Jersey City is not the same anymore. My reasons.
1. Jersey City is too damn expensive to live in just by yourself. Most can and kudos to them, but sadly that is not the case for me.
2. Jersey City has done a complete change. Thanks, gentrification! (🖕🏾 – if you cannot see this emoji, it is a middle finger.) When I was younger Jersey City was full of stores and places for families to spend time together. Now, it is filled with bars, restaurants, and complex apartments.
3. This is the reason that made me decide to say peace to my hometown which is no longer having my mom here with me. I thought to myself, “what is the point of calling Jersey City home anymore without her?”
My mom had a dream to eventually leave Jersey City but she kept having setbacks. She used to say, “I’ll leave once you girls are little older.” or “I’ll leave when Valencia graduates high school.”
When I brought the idea to move to Georgia and then got my mom tickets to go to Georgia to see for herself how beautiful it was over there, I finally heard her say, “Okay, we can move.” In fact, as her oldest daughter and to make my mom more secure about her decision, I told her that I’ll go and establish a life out there for us all first. Similarly, just like my mother, I too deep down had a fear to leave. My mom’s fear was change, my fear is failing. But I still wanted to leave.
After my mother’s death sometime in June, I received a call from a university in Georgia about a job I applied for. Mind you, I applied for this job waaaayyyy back so I had completely forgotten about that specific position until that call. As a result, the thought of moving started to arise again. However, I began to receive signs after the second interview that maybe Georgia was not exactly for me. I didn’t feel the thrill that I thought I would get. Usually, when I want to do or go for something in life, it has to give me chills and excitement even when I am nervous and all, in reality, Georgia wasn’t doing that for me.
Now, what unexpectedly gave me chills was Florida. I haven’t been in Florida since I was maybe 17 years old. So when I returned I was like (meh) I am just here just because. Until my cousin showed me around and I started to feel a peace of mind. Something that I was searching for after all my tragedies had happened right in Florida. My cousin jokingly said to me “you should move here.” I said, “Ha, yeah, right.” However, by the next day, my mind was like “what if I DID move over here?!”
To make this long story short ever since I returned back from Florida to New Jersey, my thought and mind changed again. I want to leave New Jersey again, I just did not know when until now. With that being said, I am going to take a big chance, put my big girl pants and move sooner than later.
As of March 2018, I will be relocating to a place I will be calling my new home. This is something I owe to myself, to my sisters and nephew, and to my mother. I am beyond nervous, anxious, and I have been fighting with myself with my self-doubt, stress, and trying to stay positive. Nonetheless, I want to take the chance, I want to have this experience, I want something different. So cheers to this new journey!
The secret is out!
2012 is the year when I had my first little thought when I put it on Facebook. Here is a snippet conversation I had with my mom that motivated me to do this move and still does.